This is a joke I picked up in the military. By the end you can guess which branch. It goes as such:

The Department of Defence recently decided that with the escalating terror levels around the world that a new joint branch elite force is required. After a number of required meetings a panel is gathered and top candidates are selected from each of the four major branches to draft a leader before recruiting individual members. Letters are sent out, summoning the potential leaders to a panel interview at the Pentagon.

The first candidate is a Navy Seal. He enters the interview room, runs a hand through his hair and takes a seat before the panel.

“Hey guys, how's it goin'? Just got back from a swim.”

“Good afternoon sir. You know we've brought you here today to interview you for a new position within the DoD. Your service recruit speaks to your skills in the field. We're here today to determine your loyalty and commitment to the goal. This position will require your complete faith, without question or second thought. Are you ready to being?”

“Uh sure. So long as this doesn't take too long. I have to get back to the pool and do some more laps.”

“Very good. Let's begin.”

The panel picks apart the candidates private, personal and professional life. It goes back to his experiences as a child. Nothing is pardoned from their scrutiny. Finally, after several hours, the Seal is given one last task.

“I am proud to say that you have been an excellent representative from the Navy. By far you are the role model for every seaman to follow. Are you ready for your final assessment?”

“Yeah, sure. Anything to get back to swimming.”

“Underneath your chair is a service pistol. In the room next door you will find your girlfriend. To prove your unquestioning loyalty reach under your chair. Take the pistol. Go in to the next room and shoot her. Afterwards you will leave immediately for training.”

“Uhhh, geez sir. Well. I'm sorry I just can't do that. I think I'm going to go back to the pool.”

With that, he excuses himself and goes back to the pool to do some laps.

The next candidate is from the Air Force Land & Sea Rescue. She has lead hundreds of training missions, logged thousands of hours in simulators and even once deployed to Germany to earn extra money for college.

“Good morning everyone, is this seat here the one for me?”

“Yes, please take a seat.”

“Great, just a quick question before we begin. Did anyone bring any coffee? I can't stay seated for a long time without getting some coffee. When's our first break by the way? I find it difficult to focus with all that caffeine, will we be planning breaks today?”

“I'm sure we can fit in a break or two, let's begin.”

Like the Seal the Airman is an exemplary representation of their branch. When the final question is posed…

“… reach under your chair. Take the side arm and shoot your boyfriend.”

“Whoah whoah whoah. Dude. Whoah. No one said anything about guns. I've never even fired a gun before. I might hurt myself. I'm sorry, I can't do this for you.”

After she leaves the panel, obviously discouraged so far, welcome the third candidate. The Army sent their best. A Captain with the rangers. His career was literally spent entirely on deployments to the middle east. Schooled at West Point, he comes from a long line of American military men.

The candidate is perfect. All panel members are visibly ecstatic. When the final question comes…

“Take the pistol and shoot your wife.”

“Negative sir. Blue on blue is a no go.”

Without hesitation the ranger gets up and leaves the room. The panel is stunned. It's not like the Army to ever question an order, especially unlawful ones. Panel members are beginning to speak up.

“The final test is too much. We should get rid of it and invite the previous candidates back.”

“There's still one candidate. Let's at least give him a chance before we start from scratch again. Besides, we can always just change their orders and make them come back. It's not like these people really have a choice.”

The last candidate comes in. A Recon Marine. Without saying a word he enters the room at takes a seat.

“Are you ready to begin questioning?”

“Yes sir.”

The candidate exceeds their wildest dreams. He's better than all of the previous candidates combined. His answers are short and concise. He shows immense powers of deduction, even while under stress. The time comes for the final question. Members of the panel are tense.

“Beneath your chair is a loaded service pistol. Reach beneath your chair, take it and go next door. Inside you will find your ex-wife. Shoot her and return here.”

Without saying a word the marine reaches beneath his chair and retrieves the pistol. He leaves the room and can be heard entering the one next door. A series of gunshots are heard followed by a loud scream. The panelists look to one another, confused. A crash is heard and more screaming. The sounds of a struggle are obvious. After a few minutes the marine returns. His uniform is ripped, torn from his body in places. His face is bloody covered in scratch marks. Breathing heavily, he takes his seat.

“Good God man. What the Hell happened in there?”

“Well sir, some asshole loaded the gun with blanks. So I smashed the chair over her head and beat her to death with one of the legs.”

Jokes


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