Smooth Transition from Singleness to Wedded Life

After the weeks of preparation, the round of showers, parties, presents, the wedding itself, and the reception line during which you have been kissed, squeezed, and patted until you feel like a sponge, you will be exhausted! At this point you will look forward to getting away from it all and being alone together to enjoy your honeymoon.

Whereas the wedding is a very public affair, the honeymoon is strictly private. It will provide your first real chance to be alone as a married couple. Nothing should divert your attention from each other while it dawns on you that you are really married at last.

The honeymoon provides a period of adjustment and transition from singleness to wedded life. According to popular thought, it is supposed to be a time of perfect bliss. In reality it can be one of the most strenuous periods of life. No matter how much you love each other or how great your excitement as you look forward to your honeymoon, it will take careful planning in order for it to be successful.

Here are some pointers:

The honeymoon must happen after the wedding as soon as possible. It is an event that should occur right away.

Whereas it is not definitely important (but is mostly recommended) to postpone a honeymoon because it would ruin its meaning and mess up it being a unique experience. In order to savor the intimacy of the newly created married unit, the honeymoon must be taken at once.

The honeymoon vacation should range from one to two weeks if you have the budget and time. Most couples have a honeymoon for one week, at least, with the average honeymoon running about nine days. For a couple to marry over the weekend, move into a new apartment, and return to regular duties by Monday morning is entirely impractical. It does not allow the time needed to bask in the joy of each other's love.

Organize your funds for the honeymoon, and then spend it joyfully. This is probably going to be the last time you will be this carefree. Even if you have to shorten your honeymoon a couple of days, plan several very special treats that you can remember and treasure all your lives.

Organize a relaxing honeymoon. The most unsuccessful honeymoon would be one in which a couple planned a week to travel across several places, cramming in enough activity and sightseeing to last for five years! Instead plan only a short trip for the first night, and have a special dinner together. During the excitement of your wedding day, you probably will eat little and your blood sugar level may reach an all-time low. A leisurely dinner together before returning to your room will calm your nerves and provide some much-needed nourishment.

The honeymoon must happen without the involvement of family and friends. Trying to honeymoon in the home of parents or relatives would hardly allow the complete freedom that a couple need to get to know each other as man and wife. Parents sometimes encourage a couple to stay one night with grandma and grandpa, and another with cousin Matilda, etcetera. Forget it!

Honeymoon plans should include activities you both enjoy. If you want big-city life with fancy restaurants and nightlife, spend it that way. If you are both nature lovers and enjoy camping, hiking, and fishing, then find a country hideaway. The important consideration is a location that allows you to participate in activities you both enjoy and that gives you time to be yourselves and relax. Avoid locations and activities where there are schedules, rising bells, or heavy commitments.

Plan time and opportunity to be with other people when and if you feel like it. Prior to marriage all a couple can think about is being alone every moment. Experience has shown that isolated honeymoons are more than most couples can take. Many hotels and resorts cater to honeymooning couples by offering lengthy meal periods and a variety of social and physical activities from which a couple might choose. Being with others and participating in group activities often eliminates stress during the honeymoon. A couple needs time alone, but they also need occasions to interact with others.

The honeymoon should include a time for spiritual growth and development. Take time for Bible study and prayer together. Begin the practice now and establish it as a regular habit in your family. Perhaps you have already formed such a habit, so that no awkwardness exists now. One excellent resource to read aloud together during the honeymoon is the Book of Proverbs. Search out all verses dealing with communication for the emotional life. Another is the Song of Solomon with its beautiful descriptions of physical love.

Sexual Intimacy

Important for the honeymoon time is sexual intimacy. Your initial intercourse will signify the completion of your marriage. The relaxing ambiance of your honeymoon will permit you to indulge your sexual desires with freedom and with flexibility. To most couples the honeymoon signifies a climax in sexual interaction.

Now is the time when you make the transition to accepting sexual intercourse as a part of your total life together. For some persons, especially for the bride, this involves a shift in their thinking from the restraints of chastity to uninhibited married sex. This may take a little time and a patient husband. An emotionally mature woman should be able to readjust her attitude of self-protection prior to marriage to one of enthusiastic sharing after marriage.

A thoughtful groom will attempt to give first consideration to the satisfaction of his new bride rather than rapidly attempting to satisfy his own desires. Any male who learns this early in marriage will find his own enjoyment greatly increased. He must think of sex as a mutually shared and enjoyed experience rather than only a self-oriented experience.

Several other ingredients are necessary for you to enjoy the sexual side of the honeymoon to the fullest.

Research as much as you can preceding the honeymoon. A couple needs to analyze the topic of sexual enjoyment to heart just before the marriage. Doing what happens instinctively after the ceremony is really not enough planning. The experience of making love is an art, and it is best to educate yourself because it is not intrinsic. It is unrealistic to assume that two totally inexperienced young couple can approach the marriage bed on their wedding night and achieve sexual satisfaction with little or no effort or even by hoping or praying for it.

Purchase surgical jelly from the drug store beforehand for use the first night or two. Most brides cannot provide sufficient natural vaginal lubrication during their honeymoon experience. The possibility of pain can be eliminated by having surgical jelly handy for use at the proper time. Once she learns to relax completely, her natural lubrication will take over. It is also wise to have a small towel nearby that can absorb the secretions left after intercourse.

Plan for complete privacy without interruption. This may not seem as important to the husband as it is to the new bride. Women are much more prone to be distracted by noises, lights, and sounds in the night. Take necessary precautions beforehand to ensure that you will not be accidentally interrupted. A thoughtful husband may even take time to see that such things as flowers, candles, music, and soft light are available to further romance his bride. A husband who treats his wife as someone very special will usually find her responding to his expressions of love.

Proceed slowly and lovingly. The couple must become very sensitive to each other's needs at this point. He may wish to take her clothes right off her body and get on with it at long last! However, she may have romantic notions about making a grand entrance in a filmy negligee purchased especially for this occasion. Another couple may wish to lovingly and lingeringly undress each other. If you can discuss your feelings and wishes beforehand, you will be able to work it out to each other's satisfaction.

Some experts recommend that couples do not attempt intercourse the first night. They suggest instead that a couple carefully experiment and lovingly explore each other's bodies, all the while expressing love for each other. This allows time for each to get to know and understand the wants and wishes of the other without feeling pushed into intercourse the first night. It may not sound like much fun, but it can be a great experience that can pay off later on.

Research indicates that nine out of 10 brides do not experience orgasm during the first intercourse. Unless a couple is armed with this information, both may feel they have failed miserably! When it is understood that intercourse can be an immensely enjoyable experience even when she does not experience climax, it will take the pressure off performance and allow them both to savor the experience of intimacy that is so important to a woman.

Naturally, the couple will work toward achieving sexual satisfaction for both partners, but they must realize that in a large majority of cases it will take time, study, experimentation, and open communication before the new bride reaches her maximum level of sexual responsiveness.

In a survey conducted on the length of time needed by couples for sexual adjustment, 78 percent reported adjusting within a week, 12 percent took two months, and six percent adjusted only after 40 months. After being married six months to a year, 96 percent of the women who had adjusted usually experienced orgasm all or most of the time. During this same period 41 percent of the couples indicated that they experienced simultaneous orgasms all or most of the time, and 38 percent said they did some of the time.

This rate of adjustment is higher than the rate of adjustment in other studies conducted on other groups. All participants had received detailed premarital counseling and had two to four years of college education, factors that contribute to success. Ninety-one percent had “discussed frankly together personal attitudes and rather complete details about sex” one month before marriage.

A successful sex life will not come automatically. It does not happen overnight. You should look on sexual intercourse as an experimental, explorative adventure that the two of you will take over the next few years. You can achieve degrees of success in your sex life just as you can achieve degrees of success in your communication. Constantly search for new ways of delighting each other as you bask in your mutual love.

Society | Relationships | Self-Help

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