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Pro-Home Cooking

Are you getting tired of the home-cooking of your mother, wife, sister, or maid? Are you longing for restaurant bill of fare?

After you've eaten at home the same recycled food over and over again, you probably have a legitimate reason for your desire to eat out for a change. But before you rush to the restaurant, would you like to consider a few points?

Do you find those working in public eating places a little better groomed than those in your own kitchen and dining room? Are the waiters at the restaurant easier to look at than those at home whose faces you think might make excellent mask for a Halloween night of horrors?

Maybe so. But why? Could it be because of business reasons?

“Listen, girls,” the restaurant manager instructed his crew. “I want you to be in your Sunday best this time. Add a little dab of powder to your faces and take a bit more care with your hair.”

“Anything special?” the head waiter asked. “No,” the manager retorted. “But the beef is extra tough today.”

And did you notice that at home very often your meals wait for you, while at the restaurant you have to wait for your meals? One wife once said to her husband, “If you don't come to the dining room immediately, you'll soon have a cold dinner and a hot wife.” Whereas at the restaurant – especially during peak hours - you'll have to wait for what seems to you to be half of eternity before your order is brought to your table.

That's why a customer asked a waiter, “Have you been to the zoo?” “No, sir.” “Well, you'd sure get a kick out of watching the turtles zip by.”

And how about prices in public eating places? Someone observes that if you still pay the same amount as you used to, the food portions however have become a lot smaller lately. One restaurant owner attributes this to an optical illusion. Now that his restaurant has been enlarged, the portions look smaller.

Like the proverbial shrinking bread size, some portions seem to be performing a disappearing act.

“Bring me another sandwich, please,” a diner ordered. “Anything else, sir?” the waiter asked. “Yes, a paper weight. The last sandwich blew away.”

In fairness to restaurants let's hasten to add that the prices of almost everything are going up. And even these eating places operate under the law of economics. But all things being equal, you'll have to agree that it's still a lot cheaper to eat at home.

Also, how sanitary is the handling of food sold by sidewalk vendors and other public eating places? Every now and then the mass media warn us of the potential danger posed by these businesses due to the improper handling of cooked food by those who prepare and serve them.

You have perhaps come across some jokes told at the expense of restaurants. For instance, a customer asked a restaurant manager, “Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?”

“I don't know,” the manager replied, “unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from.”

And you have perhaps heard of the customer who complained, “Waiter, there's a hair in my soup.”

“Blond or red?” the waiter inquired. “We're missing a waitress, you know.”

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not against restaurants, noodle houses, sidewalk food vendors, etc. These are doing a great service to humanity. Without them, where else will we entertain our friends, relatives, business contacts, and others? Between public eating places and our own private kitchens, however, I would vote for our homes any day.

I'm not anti-restaurant by any means. I'm only pro-home cooking!

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