DEVTOME.COM HOSTING COSTS HAVE BEGUN TO EXCEED 115$ MONTHLY. THE ADMINISTRATION IS NO LONGER ABLE TO HANDLE THE COST WITHOUT ASSISTANCE DUE TO THE RISING COST. THIS HAS BEEN OCCURRING FOR ALMOST A YEAR, BUT WE HAVE BEEN HANDLING IT FROM OUR OWN POCKETS. HOWEVER, WITH LITERALLY NO DONATIONS FOR THE PAST 2+ YEARS IT HAS DEPLETED THE BUDGET IN SHORT ORDER WITH THE INCREASE IN ACTIVITY ON THE SITE IN THE PAST 6 MONTHS. OUR CPU USAGE HAS BECOME TOO HIGH TO REMAIN ON A REASONABLE COSTING PLAN THAT WE COULD MAINTAIN. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SUPPORT THE DEVTOME PROJECT AND KEEP THE SITE UP/ALIVE PLEASE DONATE (EVEN IF ITS A SATOSHI) TO OUR DEVCOIN 1M4PCuMXvpWX6LHPkBEf3LJ2z1boZv4EQa OR OUR BTC WALLET 16eqEcqfw4zHUh2znvMcmRzGVwCn7CJLxR TO ALLOW US TO AFFORD THE HOSTING.

THE DEVCOIN AND DEVTOME PROJECTS ARE BOTH VERY IMPORTANT TO THE COMMUNITY. PLEASE CONTRIBUTE TO ITS FURTHER SUCCESS FOR ANOTHER 5 OR MORE YEARS!

Old MacDonald (Short Story)

It was a serene evening on Old MacDonald’s estate, with the pheasants beginning to ripen and the eee-aye-eee-aye-oh’s preparing to settle down for a long winter’s nap. Of course, Old MacDonald was getting on in his years, and out of his loneliness he had recently married Ms. Wife Genericson and birthed two debatably beautiful and questionably healthy children: Son and Daughter. Son MacDonald was the athlete of family, able to slam a dunk and dunk-a-roo. Daughter, on the other hand, had lost circulation to her brain at birth and as of the time in question hadn’t gained it back, causing her body to act independently of any discernable logic. The paperwork to legally change her name to Zombie MacDonald had been milling around the courts for weeks, but Judge Linoleum was as slow as he was cheap, tacky, and suitable for low income homeowners on a tight budget.

Old MacDonald did all he could to ignore his familial troubles - he had a bountiful farm, a magic cow, and severe narcolepsy – but try as he may there was one part of his life he couldn’t escape: the endlessly infernal ticking noise that had dogged him since his days at Cantucky Yuniversity. Doctor Jewish ascribed the condition to Old having swallowed a clock. Old thought this was ludicrous and went to Doctor Doom for a second opinion, but quickly realized that Dr. Doom was a PHD in Applied Evil rather than an MD, and as a result left the condition untreated for years.

But that was the past. The world continued turning, and Old MacDonald had a farm. And on that farm there was a porch. And on that porch there was a table. And on that table there was a delicious part of your balanced breakfast, concocted by Wife MacDonald. Sadly, Old MacDonald didn’t want pancakes for dinner – he wanted Lobster Bisque. That was it; that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. You see, every time Wife disobeyed Old’s orders, he tied a straw (a bendy straw, not one of those cheap diner straws that I got at that truck stop in Meridian, Mississippi that gave me refills that I didn’t ask for and then charged me for them, those sick bastards) to the back of Joe Cool, his pet camel; it took 162344 straws to break Joe’s back.

Heartbroken at the loss of his beloved camel, something snapped inside Old – possibly his coronary artery, no autopsy was ever performed. Realizing he was dying, Old grabbed a meat cleaver, chopped off the heads of Wife and Son MacDonald and frantically began spelling a message on the wall in their blood. It then occurred to him that he probably didn’t need to kill both Wife and Son to accomplish this task, and so in his grief he chopped off his own head too (which isn’t easy, trust me).

Hours later, as the sun set on the Veranda of the Old MacDonald place, Daughter MacDonald did the Monster Mash (it was a graveyard smash), and a small dog limped up to the porch, his shivering form cautiously skirting the pools of blood and maple syrup. Tired, the dog laid down to sleep in his bed in the corner of the porch. I guess I forgot to mention this: the MacDonald’s had a dog. And Bingo was his name. Oh.

Fiction | Flash Fiction


QR Code
QR Code old_macdonald_story (generated for current page)
 

Advertise with Anonymous Ads