DEVTOME.COM HOSTING COSTS HAVE BEGUN TO EXCEED 115$ MONTHLY. THE ADMINISTRATION IS NO LONGER ABLE TO HANDLE THE COST WITHOUT ASSISTANCE DUE TO THE RISING COST. THIS HAS BEEN OCCURRING FOR ALMOST A YEAR, BUT WE HAVE BEEN HANDLING IT FROM OUR OWN POCKETS. HOWEVER, WITH LITERALLY NO DONATIONS FOR THE PAST 2+ YEARS IT HAS DEPLETED THE BUDGET IN SHORT ORDER WITH THE INCREASE IN ACTIVITY ON THE SITE IN THE PAST 6 MONTHS. OUR CPU USAGE HAS BECOME TOO HIGH TO REMAIN ON A REASONABLE COSTING PLAN THAT WE COULD MAINTAIN. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SUPPORT THE DEVTOME PROJECT AND KEEP THE SITE UP/ALIVE PLEASE DONATE (EVEN IF ITS A SATOSHI) TO OUR DEVCOIN 1M4PCuMXvpWX6LHPkBEf3LJ2z1boZv4EQa OR OUR BTC WALLET 16eqEcqfw4zHUh2znvMcmRzGVwCn7CJLxR TO ALLOW US TO AFFORD THE HOSTING.

THE DEVCOIN AND DEVTOME PROJECTS ARE BOTH VERY IMPORTANT TO THE COMMUNITY. PLEASE CONTRIBUTE TO ITS FURTHER SUCCESS FOR ANOTHER 5 OR MORE YEARS!

Nine Ways Children Differ

The woman who had come to see me spoke with a tense voice. “My daughter was an easy child from Day One,” she said. “When I put her on the table to change her diapers, she lay still and smiled pleasantly. Through the years, she has always tried to comply. She gives every situation her best shot. She doesn't buck the system. She just seems to go with the flow.”

She drew a breath, then continued, her words clipped in a staccato manner.

“My son is a different story. It seems he can do nothing right. From the very beginning, he has sapped our energies. As a baby, he wouldn't let me change his diaper without putting up a struggle. Now, as a young man, he questions every rule, pushes every situation to the limit, tests every premise.”

My friend's eyes seemed to be pleading for an answer. “How do you account for these differences? We didn't change our parenting style. But somewhere along the line, somebody changed the rules.”

The question is not a new one. Ever since the birth of Cain and Abel, parents have realized that even in the same family, children are different right from the start. What some people don't realize is that the ways in which children differ are strikingly similar.

In 1956, medical doctors, Stella Chess and Alexander Thomas, began conducting a longitudinal study with a sample of 133 children. They observed these babies, conducted interviews with their mothers and fathers, and sent in researchers to gather data. As the babies grew older, Chess and Thomas continued to follow their development. They spoke to their teachers, continued observations in the home, and talked with their parents. As the children grew into adulthood, Chess and Thomas persisted in their research.

What they discovered was simple, but profound: Babies are different from the start. In fact, they concluded, babies are different in nine specific ways.

First

Children differ in their activity level. Some prefer to curl up on the couch with a book, while others are always on the go. They blow through life like whirling dervishes, expending a constant flow of energy.

Second

Some children are more regular than others in such things as hunger, sleep-wake cycles, and elimination. Regular children are much easier to potty-train than irregular children. They favor routine. Their mealtimes, bedtimes, and schedules all fall into predictable and comfortable patterns. Not so, for irregular children. Their body clocks do not tick off the moments of their lives in anything that even resembles a predictable fashion.

Third

Children's initial responses to new situations vary. While some children rush excitedly and confidently into new adventures, others hold back fearfully, needing continued assurance and encouragement to take the first step. In other words, some children tend to approach new situations positively, while others tend to withdraw.

Fourth

Children differ in their long term responses to new situations. While some children are highly adaptable and flexible, others find it extremely difficult to adjust to change, taking weeks or even months to acclimate themselves to new circumstances.

Fifth

Children have different tolerance levels for sensory stimulation. Where one child screams over a barely stubbed toe, another will fall off a cliff and walk away without skipping a beat. Children with a low sensory threshold often complain about seemingly insignificant things: socks that itch, waistbands that are too tight, bath water that is not just right.

Sixth

Children differ in their quality of mood. While some children are naturally sunny and pleasant, others face life with more of a grim or sober demeanor.

Seventh

The intensity with which children respond to situations varies. Some children reach to life's circumstances with a colossal amount of energy. If something is funny, they laugh until the tears begin to stream. If they are angry, they stomp their feet and raise their voices. Other children are more bland. They smile vaguely at humorous situations and let the offenses of others roll off their backs with barely a cross word.

Eighth

Some children are more easily distracted than others. Such children are more attuned to outside stimuli. They have difficulty concentrating if so much as a fly buzzes by the window. Yet their siblings may be able to do their homework with the television going, the door opening and closing, and people entering and exiting the room.

Ninth

Children differ in their persistence and attention span. Some children never give up. They perceive the goal, they concentrate on the objectives, and they go for the prize. Others abandon a project in despair after one short-lived, foiled attempt.

Obviously, each child comes with his or her own unique mix of these characteristics. And, as my friend found out, children in the same family can be much different from each other. Some parents find this very frustrating, and even painful, especially when a particular child's uniqueness appears to be “bad.”

Three suggestions that can help parents deal with troubling differences in their children:

  • Don't assume that if your child behaves differently from what you expected and hoped, you have been a bad parent.
  • Don't assume that your child is deliberately behaving in a way that upsets you and could behave differently if he or she wanted to.
  • Don't make moralistic judgments about your child because of behavior that doesn't live up to a rigid standard you have set.

The bottom line is this: Accept your child for who he is. Don't try to make one child into a carbon copy of another. Work with your child within the framework of what he brings into a situation. Look for unique strengths. Help him recognize and deal with his own liabilities.

While one child may be more of a challenge to raise than another, that does not mean that he is inherently bad. In fact, many of the traits that make some children so difficult to raise have the potential for greatness later on. The baby who fights the diaper change, the young man who tests the limits and questions the rules, is a prime candidate for leadership. Such an individual will not be easily swayed when championing for the right.

Our goal as we raise our children should be to recognize the value of their unique points, to see in these traits something that is worth cultivating. When we do this, we are following in the footsteps of our own heavenly Parent, who always sees something valuable in every human being.

As parents, we can strive for nothing better. In the serious times we live in, and the trying times ahead, the community needs the unique strengths of all our children.

Home | Family


QR Code
QR Code nine_ways_children_differ (generated for current page)
 

Advertise with Anonymous Ads