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Malicious Website Or Satire At Its Finest?

Prelude

I've been working on not wasting so much precious time on spectator sports, so I have barely turned on sports radio stations in a number of weeks. As a fan of the Miami Heat I was sorry when I heard the news, a few days after the fact, that Lebron James was headed back home.

My hope has been that fans will be classy, overall. There will always be some jerks, but Miami fans are more civil than most, believe it or not. Between 3 NBA (pro basketball) championships and 2 MLB (pro baseball) championships, 2 NFL (pro football) championships, and 5 NCAA (college football) championships – there has not been the mindless rioting that is so common in cities like Chicago, Detroit, San Francisco, Philadelphia and Los Angeles (among others.)

Give Miami fans their due. Not a single riot in 12 opportunities. Nobody gets murdered on the streets the nights their teams win it all… Or, at least, nobody gets murdered those nights, because of the the celebrations. I don't know for a fact that nobody was murdered on those particular nights, in question, but, on the other hand, I wouldn't be surprised if some lives were actually saved due to the celebratory mood.

For all the people across the country who look down on Miami sports fans as being thugs, they really should look in their own mirrors, because the most we tend to do is get out the pots and pans and hit them together like Down's Syndrome kids with OCD1) for several hours on the busiest street corners.

I StartPaged It

I was wondering how Miami fans reacted in the past week since LBJ's announcement, so I StartPaged a fitting query2) and found a result, at the bottom of the page that said that 15 fans were arrested out of a group of Heat fans who set fire to Jame's 9 million dollar Miami home, causing more than a million dollars in damage.

Instantly Disgusted

I felt disgusted, until I clicked onto the site and read the part that said, among the damages was an extensive collection of headbands. LeBron always plays with a headband, and obviously he must have more than one, but how could a headband collection be listed in a serious story about a million dollars in arson damages to LBJ's mansion? It couldn't. It wouldn't. Not in a serious story.

I definitely cracked a smile and started looking at the site in a new light. All the stories were very short and the headlines, pretty outrageous.

Bieber Committed WHAT?

For instance, one story was about Justin Bieber committing suicide by two gunshots to the head.3)

Chicagoland Purge 2

Another headline said, 112 Murdered by Group of Teens Reenacting ‘The Purge 2′ Movie in Chicago — No Arrests Made.

Luckily They Had A Cell Phone

Yet another announced, Inmate Releases Cellphone Footage of Chris Brown Being Raped in Jail — Cops Investigating.

Crip Vs Blood Moon Vs Lotto

There's a story one of a Crip gang member who won the lottery, worth ten million dollars, but he's not planning on cashing it in since it occurred on the night of a Blood moon. He saw it as a bad sign (being that the main rival gang, of course, is named, the Bloods.) He thought it would bring him bad luck, like causing his gun to malfunction in a drive by shooting or something, so he's just not going to take the chance.

The Formula

The formula is a headline above a photo, and then a blurb underneath. Every blurb ends in [read more] – but when you go to click it, nothing happens. I think it works quite well. There's a link at the bottom of each page that takes you to a page informing everyone that it's done by a comedian named, Bump, and that it is, indeed, humor.

Malicious Or Die?

I can imagine that many people have a problem with it. That would probably be especially true of the celebrities who often are the subject of the stories. Rumors can definitely get started by people who didn't get the jokes, or maybe only saw the headline in the search results without clicking to navigate to the page, where they would then be able to see it's not real.

Think about Bieber's suicide page. I'm not sure who would be more upset by reading the headline; his mom or his pre teen fans.

Not The First Or The Last

This is hardly the first satirical website online. The king of all satire on the Interwebs, of course, is The Onion. It was a reminder to me that I want to do a similar site, my own self.

More Onion Than Bump

I would definitely write more content, so mine will be more Onion than Bump. It will probably deal primarily with extremely serious news events, rather than celebrities and nonsense. I plan to infuse it with humor that conveys my opinions and editorials making widespread use of exaggerations.

For instance, I would do a story on what's going on with Israel and the Palestinians. The story would talk about the very last living Palestinian who has yet to die from the attacks. He is living in a cardboard box. He keeps shouting out the cut out window that Israel has no right to exist.

This causes Benjamin Netanyahu to meet with Mossad and the IDF to plan for a way to protect the people of Israel against this serious threat to their very survival. They plan on dropping a tactical nuclear bomb into his box, but they have to time it during a brief window when Israeli settlers aren't surrounding him, urinating on him.

Anyway, if you're interested in the website I found, it's http://creambmp.com/

Humour | Media | Internet | Sports

1) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
2) I don't Google if I can help it, anymore. They are NSA, tracking all of us like we are all criminals who can't be trusted, when they are the ones who can't be trusted; so I use StartPage.com, which I believe utilizes Google but, ostensibly, filters out their tracking.
3) The comedy being that it took 2 shots, and he was actually able to shoot a second time. Actually, that would have been more fitting as a Chuck Norris story. It does, however, parrot actual stories where people get murdered, and the lying sack of crap officials covering up something call it a suicide, like when a victim is locked in a trunk with hands tied and several gun wounds and no gun.

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