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Make Your Own Conspiracy Theory

One of the most entertaining aspects of Devtome is just how open it is to any content. There are limits to this, of course, and admins have recently begun to crack down on pages that offer nothing but Search Enging Optimization (SEO) tips and SEO content for other companies. Outside of these vapid articles and the obvious restrictions that apply to any public forum for writing (threats, etc.), however, Devtome contributors can upload anything they can come up with. This means that a well reasoned article on astrophysics has the pleasure of sharing the same page space with an article on how the Sandy Hook school shooting tragedy is related to some sort of government conspiracy to take away your guns. While these theories are largely harmless and it is rather inevitable that some fringe elements in society will decry any major event as having been orchestrated by a malevolent force, this does not lend these theories any validity. Anyone who believes that mankind didn't land on the moon, or that September 11th was an inside job is operating on an altered and disturbed plane of reality and ought to check their facts with the reality of the situation. It is quite easy to create a seemingly plausible case for conspiracy, provided you offer limited (and at times false) details and make strong insinuations about secret motives and other suspcions.

To demonstrate just how easy it is to make your own conspiracy theory, let's try it together. Just follow these simples steps and before long you too can have obscure anti-government bloggers confirming the half truths and nonsense suspicions that you have unleashed into the world from this absurd Pandora's box.

Step 1 - Pick a Major Historical Event

Now, a conspiracy theory can be about anything that you want, from the mundane to the extraordinary and there is no requirement that you limit the scope of your conspiracy. That being said, not all conspiracy theories are going to be created equally. If you generate a conspiracy theory that discusses the sinister nature of white asparagus, then you won't be as likely to attract the same readership that you would if you were to decry the evil corporate machinations behind the Boston Marathon Bombings. For this reason, if you want to make a seemingly plausible conspiracy theory then you should pick a major event that will be familiar to many people. That is why the moon landing and the JFK assassination are such powerful conspiracy theories - they provide alternate explanations for watershed moments in our history ; moments that are critical to our definition as a society. The ability to undermine common understanding about major defining moments such as these attracts certain kinds of people, and it is these sorts of people that will make for a successful conspiracy theory.

Tragedy is not an essential element in a conspiracy, as evidenced by the abundant moon landing conspiracies, however it certainly doesn't hurt. If your audience has a victim to look to and if they are able to connect with that victim on some emotional level then they are more likely to be able to buy into the conspiracy theory. For this reason, terrorist attacks and assassinations provide ideal targets for conspiracy theory, as these events already exact an extreme emotional toll on the people that are familiar with them and as such it is not as far of a leap to ascribe a more sinister undertone to the nature of these events.

Step 2 - Select Your Perpetrator

In a conspiracy theory, nothing is as it seems and it is essential that you reject the official explanations in the development of your theory. In general, you want to be able to somehow implicate that a sinister individual or organization is behind the conspiracy that culminated in your chosen historical event. It is also helpful to suggest that this evil shadow organization is also responsible for tampering with the media, the government, or even with our minds (mind control is an acceptable element of some conspiracy theories) in order to push the false explanation for your chosen event onto us as a society. When you are choosing your perpetrator you have as much freedom as you would like, however there is a fairly short hit list that is generally held to by most of the successful conspiracy theories that you will hear about from certain types on Devtome and the like.

The biggest target for a conspiratorial perpetrator is the government. Often this will be the US government for conspiracies occurring in American territories or areas in which the American government may have some influence. The reasons for this are not hard to imagine - America is a major super power in the world, and it is constantly being revealed that the US government has undertaken unethical activities including unrestrained civilian monitoring programs and the deposition of world governments during the Cold war. This, coupled with international resentment and at home distrust and anger towards the government makes it easy to imagine that the government could be capable of any number of nefarious acts without restriction. In a more general sense, ruling bodies themselves are always attractive targets for conspiracy theory generation, as these bodies are generally not transparent in their operation and are always withholding certain information from their citizens, making it possible to ascribe any number of truths to these operations. Governments, of course, are not the only targets for conspiracy theories. You might also choose certain factions within the government - the CIA or NSA are major targets in this regard, and you could also choose the FDA or any similar major government body. Vague secret societies can also make attractive targets - it is never a bad time for an illuminati conspiracy, and you shouldn't back down just because there is compelling evidence that the organization you are discussing probably doesn't exist; that is just another aspect of the conspiracy!

Step 3 - Pick Your Motive

This step is both the most important part of creating a long lived conspiracy, and it is the most fun. When it comes to picking your motive for why your perpetrator would orchestrate your conspiracy, you are practically unrestrained in what you can say. There are certain people out there who will buy into your conspiracy regardless of what you say, allowing you to build in mentions of aliens and UFOs, or of the aforementioned mind control techniques. These obscure tactics may alienate some of your potential audience, however, so you may wish to stick closer to reality. You will no doubt earn bonus points if you can touch on some hot button issues that will polarize your audience. For example, gun control or abortion. People feel very strongly about these issues, which allows their judgment to become murky resulting in rampant claims that the other side of this issue wants to destroy the rights of those on the other side, by, for example, stealing away all of your guns or killing your babies. Religion will also be a very polarizing issue, and if you select a religion that is often maligned in your local area then you will instantly gain yourself a good bit of readership.

Don't be shy at this step - use your imagination. This can be easier if the event is in the distant past, as you can simply look at a number of events that occurred after your event and then all you need to do is connect the dots, even if there are no real dots to connect. JFK was assassinated before the moon landing? Maybe the CIA secretly faked his death so that they could send him to the moon to setup a secret US nuclear base beneath the lunar surface. The possibilities are practically endless!

Step 4 - The Little Touches

Alright, now you have the working foundation of a functional conspiracy and you're ready to pollute the facebook walls of thousands of mistrustful political fringe groups and well meaning grandparents with your nonsensical prose. But before your theory can make that leap, you need to upload it to the internet. Devtome is a fine place to upload such theories, but if you can send your theory in to a prominent fear mongering blog then it may have a better chance of hitting the mainstream (to the extent that one can refer to conspiracy theories as being a facet of anything mainstream, of course).

When you are writing up your conspiracy theory, make sure you take certain approaches to your writing style. First of all, be relatively vague - if you are accusing the government of a conspiracy, there is no need to call out specific individuals within said government. Specific people are far easier to falsify than are broad conspiracies, and we don’t want anyone to find fault with your theory. Make sweeping generalizations that most people would simply laugh at - as long as you hit the right buttons you will still appeal to people of a certain mind set regardless. If you can make vague claims about scientific evidence or expert claims without fully backing them up then this will make your theory all the more plausible. If you can select certain pieces of evidence (real or fabricated, as you see fit) and spin them in a way that supports your theory then this will make it all the more plausible. Provide just enough detail to make someone think that there may be truth to your story, but not so much detail that it would be easy to debunk. Fear is your friend! Arm yourself with these above steps and there will be no limit to how much dreck you can fill the internet with.

Examples

Alright, you are now an expert on how to generate a conspiracy theory. It is time for you to put it in practice. As a guideline, here are a few short examples that I just concocted over the course of writing this article. Of course, just because I only recognized these conspiracies recently doesn't mean they aren't true! Indeed, there is compelling evidence to support each one of them, provided you don't really think about it…

White Asparagus - Nazi Death Food

We've all seen it in grocery stores - that bleached white asparagus that looks like it has had the health drained right out of it. But did you know that this asparagus is not what it seems? In fact, this asparagus is secretly placed in your local grocers by Neo-Nazi groups that are promoting an all white agenda, and the chemicals in this asparagus are extremely toxic to non white people!

White asparagus began to appear in grocery stores around 1987, just a year after the Aryan Brotherhood began to gain ground in American prisons. Coincidence? Not at all! Indeed, an informant from a Neo-Nazi sect who now lives in witness protection confirmed that this white asparagus was developed by Nazi scientists in Berlin during the closing days of World War 2, but that there was never a chance for them to release it commercially. A few seeds were secreted away to Argentina by Nazi war criminals, who began to selectively breed white asparagus for its potent chemical contents.

Indeed, white asparagus contains the toxic chemical 3,7-hydrobutopropanol in much higher amounts than any other food. This chemical interacts with melanin in human skin to convert water into cyanide. Melanin is the pigment that makes skin darker, and as a result this means that people with white skin are protected from the toxic effects on white asparagus. This allows Neo-Nazi groups to push their Aryan agenda by poisoning their enemies in secret through your grocery stores!

These gangs have secret deals with food importers, and they are even backed by the FDA to ensure that the white majority in power in the US remains that way. This allows white asparagus to sneak into your corner markets without you ever noticing it. But beware! This white menace is aimed at homogenizing races in America and it will poison your friends and family to do so! There have been several attempts by prominent members of the media to report on this evil plot, but all of these media members have gone missing and were never heard from again.


Writing | Conspiracy


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