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Jerry the Exterminator

Once upon a time there was a man name Jerry Spanelli who was in his early 20’s. Jerry was destined for something big, he would be a part of history. His mom died giving birth to him and he barely talked to his dad. Being in college he doesn’t talk to any of his relatives, pushing them away saying he needed to focus on school. Jerry had a photographic memory and know this he learned as much as he could. He was also very nerdy and had never had a girlfriend.

“This just in, Greenland launches an attack on Canada.” announces the channel 7 news-man. Jerry had been watching the morning news in his empty dorm while he ate his usual breakfast which consisted of buttered toast, an orange and oat-based cereal. When he saw the morning headline milk flew from his mouth and out of the open window next to his miniature TV. Ever since he learned about Pearl Harbor, Jerry had been disgusted with the human race. He hated how countless people fought over resources instead of just negotiating.

North America lived peacefully with all it’s countries until that one day. It all changed when the Greenlanders attacked. They started by building their army up and mass producing nuclear weapons. With their nuclear bombs they took over Canada for their Canadian bacon supply. They even threatened the other countries with the bombs to keep them quiet. Jerry loved Canadian bacon so this deeply angered him evermore so. Every week he would walk over to the gas station across from the base his college was on and get a pack of his favorite treat. Canadian bacon jerky. All on the news he saw that they were rumored to be plotting against the U.S. as well. Getting out of the 5 years of peace all of the United States war machines were stored away and the veterans had retired.

~A Week Later~

Walking to his college he saw a couple tanks driving down the streets and some of his classmates with AK 47’s marching behind the tanks. Their scrawny group was really no match for Greenland who had a fully fledged army and other special forces.

Being right next to the border of Canada, his college was holding a shelter but still required its classes to be taught. Jerry went straight to his first and favorite class, rocket science. “Today we will continue to work on our projects for the science fair. Also the military has put up a bounty for anyone that can make a more powerful alternative to their current weapons.” Jerry was working on a mech suit that had a laser and was almost ready for testing. All he had to do was attach the legs and the testing would begin.

After making sure nothing would fall off in the shop, he walked the suit down to the park to test the thrusters. Careful not to wake the homeless man he took his suit over to the large grassy field by the playground. Jerry had a special box for his chili dogs that were 2nd on his list of favorite foods. Farther up the hill he saw two tanks driving down the slope. One was out of control and the other was trying to catch up and stop it. The tank kept going, finally stopping as it hits the statue of the man that paid for the park to be built. “What the heck!” Jerry shouts out of his mech suit. An old man pops out of the now under control tank, “Sorry sonny, I haven’t one of these bad boys in 20 years.” He explains. After moving the tank off the statue and putting it back correctly with his mech suit, Jerry gets back to the test run.

With everything working functionally and the laser shooting beautifully, Jerry goes back to the garage where he initially stored the suit. The college had even more people than before and there were now army trucks that lingered around. Greenland had gone bat-shit crazy with the whole bacon situation. They were moving Canada’s pig supply to their own factories and farms. After Canada had no pigs left they would hit the United States, Jerry just knew it. Canada was also forced to join Greenland’s army force so their power increased 10 fold.

Jerry was helping people evacuate to the college. Herman inducted himself into the army and even found a way to make his own special ammo out of lighter fluid. He was glad that Herman would be gone so that he wouldn’t be bothered about helping his neighbors. When the U.S. sent the army towards the border to hopefully sort this situation out with Greenland they took many of the people who lived there’s homes. The barracks on base simply didn’t have enough room to house the army and volunteers. The trainees of one week were given extra credit in boot camp for helping to bring the supplies for the army. Over at the east border of the U.S. the Navy was keeping watch and one lone scout was sent to check out Greenland.

The Army was also asking the college for more scientists to aid their inventions in the war to be used as weapons. Many of Jerry’s friends joined with their projects. Jerry had to add a few more touches to his mech suit. Re-filling the rocket fuel from the test run and adding a flamethrower to the arm opposite of the laser he was ready. “Going to the college on base has its perks.” he says, thinking out loud. After making sure everything is functioning properly he walks down to the barracks. “I’d like to help end the war.” He tells the receptionist. “What do you have to offer?” she slyly asks. “Well if you’re step outside a moment I’ll show you just that.” Jerry states excitedly.

He takes the receptionist outside and gives her a quick rundown of the suit. “Oh, lovely. Those Greenlanders will love that flamethrower! And that rocket pack should help you get in and out of the battlefield quickly enough.” She states. “General Schreiber, please show Jerry to his room.” A very old but strong looking man comes in. He is wearing many medals from the olden days when world war 3 happened. “Hello Sir, I’m Jerry Spanelli I’d like to be a part of ending this war.” Jerry once again states. “Well its nice to meet you, I’ll be giving you a crew and your first mission will start tomorrow.” the General says. “If you’ll follow me this way, your room s down the hall and the first door to your right.”

Before going to his room, Jerry jumps to his apartment and gets some clothes and food for his stay at the barracks.

A set alarm wakes Jerry at 5:30 AM. He quickly eats and walks down to the lobby where the General is waiting. “My son is dead,” he sobs. “the fucking Greenlanders killed him.” Sir I’m very sorry about that…” Jerry starts. “Oh shut up boy. I want you to fly over to Greenland and KILL AS MANY OF THEM AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!!” the General shouts. Jerry quickly rushes outside to where his suit is parked. Grabbing an M16 from a nearby rack of guns he jumps into the suit. “3…2…1.BLASTOFF!” he mumbles. He soars above Canada where everything is in complete chaos.

Flash Fiction


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