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How To Make Love

Some words in our language are ridiculous. I hear women talk about going to their hair salon to get a permanent, and six months later they go back for another. Do you call that permanent? Lawyers and doctors attend law and medical schools so they can finally go into practice. But I don't want to go for treatment to a doctor who's just practicing on me. Give me one who is ready for the real thing!

And what about all the outrageous phrases we hear? People will say, “It goes without saying that…” and then they say it. Or they write, “Not to mention…” and then they mention it. Just once I'd like to see a sentence like this: “We spent three days visiting the Grand Canyon, not to mention.”

In addition, we often talk about what we'd like to do as though it's being done. We say, “We'd like to welcome all the visitors who are here,” or “I'd like to thank all the people who helped,” and I think, Well, then, go ahead and do it.

Sometimes when I'm feeling weird, and a friend (who doesn't recognize my voice) answers my telephone call with “May I ask who is calling?” I say, “Yes.” A long pause follows. Then a rather irritated “Who's calling?” blasts over the line, and I start laughing, and the friend compares me to a fowl popular at Thanksgiving.

But the most dangerous, the most bizarre, the most foolish phrase in our society is none of these.

The phrase is in the title, and it may be the reason you're reading these words right now. Make love. When these two words bump together, they attract attention like the beach attracts waves.

You've been brainwashed. All of us have. When we hear the words “make love” we think of The Sexual Act. Yet if we break down the meaning, as we did with the other words and phrases, we find it isn't what it claims to be at all.

Making What?

Once when I was flying cross-country I flew the last flight on a commuter, airplane. The plane was nearly empty when I boarded, and I elected to sit at the very back. Rows of empty seats stretched in front of me.

Just before we took off, an attractive young woman got on. She looked around the plane, then headed to the back. Sitting next to me, she flipped forward the seat in front of her and stretched out her legs.

She smiled and introduced herself as Vera. We found that we were destined for the same city. And basically for the next hour or so during the flight, we talked, and she tried to seduce me. After steering the conversation all over the sky, I finally said, “I don't play around.”

She looked at me and said, “Too bad.”

Afterward I thought about what I had said, and I wished I had said something else. What I really meant, and what I should have said, was this: “I don't cheat on the woman I love. I don't devastate my children's hopes and trust. I don't fail the one Being who cares infinitely for me. And I don't treat women as though they were objects.”

It's not “playing around,” is it? It's serious.

We have the same problem when we talk about “making love.” We're not really talking about creating or shaping or building love. We're actually talking about making sex. And if that's what we mean, that's what we ought to say. “They were making sex” doesn't sound as romantic, of course.

And when two people have made sex outside of marriage, to be truly accurate we also need to describe what else they were making. They were making tears. They were making lies. They were making guilt. They were making regrets. Because these are what accompany the mere making of sex without the responsibility and depth and nourishment of love.

How to Do It

So how do we make love? Take a look.

Look at the guy washing dishes for his girl. He's making love.

See the girl help her guy with his homework. She's making love.

Watch the couple keep confidences, support, and smile through the troubles they go through. They're making love.

Look at the guy open up his insecurities and dreams to his girl. He's making love.

See the girl keep encouraging her guy. She's making love.

Watch the couple discuss and study together the meaning of life. They're making love.

The sexual act can be wonderful, but anyone can tell you that the act is wasted unless the right stage is set and the actors know their parts. The part of a lover was spelled out in the Bible by a man named Paul. Here, basically, is what he said: If you want to make love, you will be patient and kind, never jealous or boastful. A lover is not selfish or rude. Lovers don't become irritable. Those who make love do not hold grudges, either, and they hardly even notice when others do it wrong.

A lover is most happy when someone else is happy. If you love someone, you will be loyal no matter what the cost. You will always believe, always expect the best, and always stand your ground for love.

Making romance can be a part of love, but it isn't love. Making sex can be a part of love, but it isn't love. If you're going to make love, make it for more than six months; make it permanent. Don't just practice - make it the real thing.

Relationships | Love


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