Being the one that pays or How my female relatives are starting to piss me off.

This is my third entry for the “Me and Dan” subsection that you can find in my profile. Today I shall be telling my fellow female altcoiners as to why I don't feel we should have to hide or be ashamed of the fact that we pay sometimes for our dates or outings. I will elaborate with my own case too.

For now picture the following scene. A woman is getting ready for a first date. She dresses up, the man arrives to pick her up and presents her with flowers. Of course beautifully arranged in a bouquet that will be placed in a vase in her home before they leave. They arrive at a fancy restaurant and afterwards the gentleman escorts her back to her door and they part with a kiss.

How pretty right? You may have seen the scenario before in movies too. Also, of course, the man has to pay. The flowers, the meal, everything. After all as an aunt of mine says “If a man seeks to gain your feelings a hundred or so bucks should not be an obstacle for trivial things such as dinner.” Funny how enraged women like her seem to get then at the idea of the man not paying. But after all, it shouldn't be an obstacle to her either right? Well, it isn't really seeing as at that point she wouldn't even consider going on a second date.

What enrages me more is the fact that it comes from the notion that men need to fulfill certain expectations to be considered “dating material” or even “potential husbands”. Dating is not supposed to be treated as a job interview where if there is just one single thing that is wrong the guy then loses whatever chance. If these women were truly interested in the person and not the possible gain they could have from being with him wouldn't these things not matter? Of course they wouldn't.

Maybe because I'm a woman I'm breaking some invisible rule by stating this but it is true. Sure in the olden days this might have been standard but with the way everything has changed over the last decades why can't the way we date be different as well? We no longer live in the times where for example in Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth starts to have more feelings for Darcy after she sees his beautiful estate. I just don't see why when I pay the man is obviously using me but when he does it's perfectly normal.

Now how is my case? Well, we happen not to even live in the same country as the other. I also happen to be the one that has more money because I have the luck of living in a country that has an excellent social system supporting poor university students. *cough*Germany*cough* He unfortunately doesn't and often has financial struggles. So as such I am currently the one that flies over to see him. This causes said comments as those of my aunt about how it is unfair. Do I really need to have a toll count on all the things he pays for and what I pay for?

Also, it's not like he doesn't feel bad enough about it already without their comments. Like after my Christmas trip to see him, my own mother was commenting to me how I shouldn't have spent so much money there. Excuse me if I don't feel bad for spoiling him and the mere notion that I am being used by him makes me sick to the stomach. He in turn always worries a bit because he currently isn't really able to spoil me back. But I'd rather have him alive by eating food instead of buying me something silly instead like shoes.

Also, just on the side. What if I was a lesbian? Who would pay then? The other girl too because the notion of using others doesn't differentiate between genders? I just don't think I should be even writing about this especially now in the 21st century. I just don't see how that is relevant to the feelings I may have for another person. Also, even if your date offers to pay just always have money with you because expecting the other person to pay just for the honour of talking to you is just arrogant. Regardless of gender.

Relationships | Devtome Writers

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