Advanced Ancient Knowledge PART 1

B y S i n g u l a r N e w m a n

Alright everyone, how yall doing, I hope I’ve reached you at a good time. Pull up a lazy-boy chair, warm up some non-caffeinated tea or coffee and get cozy with me for the next few pages. I’m about to challenge the pants or off you, if they are off already then I may still challenge your intellect to some mental gymnastics. And if you’re wearing a dress, then get some vanilla or chocolate ice cream, cause this article is going to be very hot. Ok, don’t know where that came from, except that maybe I want some ice cream right now but it’s 12:12 am so never mind. What am I talking about? No, seriously though, all jokes aside, how did the ancient Easter Island people build 10 foot granite heads with long straight noses on an island and most importantly why? How did the ancient Sumerians figure out that Jupiter had 4 moons in 4000 B.C? Why did the Mayans draw dinosaurs on egg shaped granite stones and placed them in thousands of graves? I promise I will not turn this essay into an Unsolved Mystery show, as I will at the very least attempt some plausible explanations.

The regular history book you may have been exposed to in K through 12 and perhaps beyond that, into your mostly wasted Masters or PhD years, will go something like this. Approximately a very hypothetically long time ago, theoretically a big boom made the really compressed nothing into everything, supposedly and assumingly. A long long, long, long, super long understand, long time after that, soup created itself and decided it was time to start monkeying around. Wait, I skipped a few steps. Where was I, ok, so there was this nothing, no I was after the nothing exploded and made everything, and then farther along the elements, yeah there it was, the elements magically formed and decided that gold was going to be heavy and yellow, silver was going to be medium bodied and well, silver colored, and hydrogen had some gas problems and so it decided to float around, in the meantime oxygen wanted to hang around as well and then they made soup. Ok, I know I skipped a few steps and went through a few billion years, but basically that’s the story our text books give, with absolute certainty I may add.

So the soup, the soup that was bubbling I suppose, when I think about it, I always see it bubbling because nothing really great comes from cold soup, well unless its Hungarian mushroom but even then I’m not sure. So the soup was bubbling “they” say and then decided it was time for chicken, but this time the chicken didn’t make the soup, the soup made the chicken, look it was a long, long, looooong time ago and things were a little foggy, like swamp gas foggy, that even today makes funny little saucers with colored lights materialize on remote county roads in towns like Roswell New Mexico. It may also cause shiny silver colored weather balloons to crash mysteriously out of the blue sky…

So soup, we still at the soup, where is the second course? Well I am simply trying to give you the main story your college text book gives you and then we can go for the desert, trust me I make a mean Truth Cake! So steam the soup on medium heat for another 2.5 billion years, and out comes a fish with his ready-made girlfriend. O, I’m sorry, the soup boiled and spilled over and you can imagine a 2.5 billion year spill, it makes oceans, oceans I tell you. So the fish naturally liked the ocean, and his girlfriend did too, because he’s a fish see, nothing fishy there, look it’s written in your book alright; the one you paid way too much money for. So the fish decides one day that after all, the ocean is a big scary place and takes a journey to the land of earth. Upon climbing, or sliming out of the water he decides that flippers don’t cut it so he grows legs, naturally at first he grew a little longer flippers, but after his girlfriend poked fun at him, he decided to be a man, wait, that’s not until farther, well for now he decided to grow some lungs and take a deep breath and go on with his life, with or without her, well rather with because they needed to have children so they could have small mammals that stopped laying eggs like grandpa fish and decided to have babies.

If this doesn’t make any sense to you, don’t worry, it take millions of years for a fish to lay babies instead of eggs. I hope I didn’t bore you, but this stuff is wild and crazy, and it’s official business these days, thanks to the prophecies of Charlie Darwin! After a while longer, you see, the nothing that made everything likes to take a very long time to make stuff out of thin air. O yeah, I almost forgot, there was air too, and an atmosphere, with lakes and river and oceans, and all made by that bubbling seafood chowder, delicious! So after this while longer deal, that kept going on and on and on, there emerged the grand, grand, grand, grand, very grandson of the first soup, I mean fish. And boy was it a site to behold, two arms with bulging biceps, five fingers and toes on each hand, a maxillary with 32 teeth neatly aligned on two opposite rows, big beautiful ears, and a mighty scream, this was no monkey business, well actually it kind of was, it was an actual monkey!

As the people that wrote the books on life would have you know, even though they were never there, they theorize, that the monkeys and their girlfriends left their swinging lifestyle in the trees for the darkness and natural air conditioning of the caves. Growing tired of the “prehistoric” epithets, or for reasons unknown, perhaps the Universe sprinkled some more magic Millions of Years dust on Mr. and Ms. Monkey, they grew bigger brains and made tools, started building bridges and left the caves for castles. Ok, so here comes historic man. Historically speaking, modern man has been around for just around 5700 years1); at least that’s how far back we have been able to trace written, continuous history.

Welcome to 4000 B.C.! This is where something phenomenal happens to mankind. Virtually across the continents and across civilizations, mankind as a whole learns how to grow crops, expand markets for trade and build roads, walls and gates, and I’m not talking cedar fencing here. I’m talking about Inca Machu Picchu2) monolith stone walls made of individual thousand ton blocks fitting together so tightly you can’t even slide piece of paper in between. Not to mention the construction of fortified citadels, temples, pyramids, water irrigation canals and suspended gardens.

This explosion of knowledge happens virtually at the same time across all seven separate continents. As if this wasn’t strange enough, these stone monuments were built with a technical fortitude unmatched my 21st century man! That fact alone is enough to make you question your history book. No way you can tell me some peasant from South America is going to build a 10 story stone pyramid aligned precisely with the Sirius stellar constellation without understanding how a circular wheel works, that means no wheel barrels, no pulleys, no carts, nothing with wheels! Yet boggling the mind, according to my text book from school, that’s exactly what happened. Mankind was violent, slow, stupid, uneducated and barely had discovered fire in 4000 B.C.! However, as reality would present us the facts, peasants were performing brain tumor operation using obsidian surgical knives that get this, another stunner, cut more sharply than modern surgical grade stainless steel! But wait there’s more, the Mayan’s also calculated the calendar more accurately then our own modern computers keep time3).

So maybe they were obsessed with time keeping, days and months and years, but explain this please, how was it that they drew pictures of dinosaurs and I’m talking people riding cowboy style on the back of a triceratops here 4)! Doesn’t this make you want to stick your head in the sand ostrich style, I mean unless you’re an Oxford anthropology professor, maybe this starts a mental gymnastics exercise in your mind. Maybe, just maybe, the book of history you’ve been reading at school is more like interpretative writing, not really history but more like, histales. Just one more from the South Americans and we will move on.

The ancient South Americans had discovered how to fly somehow! As strange and insane as that sounds, as I’ve always imagined human flight as the ultimate pinnacle of technological development, it’s the only plausible explanation the evidence affords. Unless that is you’re willing to entertain alien visitors, which may be an accurate hypothesis as well come to think of it, but this is a serious essay so let’s not go there for now. The Nazca Lines of southern Peru5) are ancient pictograms, or petroglyphs, more like geo-glyphs due to their tremendous size. The best part of these amazing art works is that the only way to see these giant drawings is to take a flight in an airplane or helicopter over them! These drawings are hundreds of feet in length. When walking on the ground all you see is sand and rocks, this is one of the driest places on earth.

One particular glyph portrays a spider. No big deal right, spiders are everywhere. Upon further study the spider appears to be quite a unique type of arachnid. It is a member of the very rare genus Ricinulei6). In real life, this spider measures less than an eighth of an inch and the only place in the world where it is found is over one thousand miles away in the depths of the Amazonian jungle. Those olden Peruvians were quite the botanists! Assuming the dumb uneducated peasants had no GPS, and were not some rare form of flying humans, please explain how they were able to accomplish this stunning feat and why!

So far we covered art, medicine, construction, engineering, architecture, astronomy, agriculture and dinosaur riding. Not sure the held dinosaur rodeos but keep in mind the Incas were a creative and culinary astute bunch, they even invented peanut butter, freeze drying, hot coco and say soccer. According to the facts on the ground, these people were smart, educated and highly advanced, as a matter of fact, in some ways, more advanced than modern society.

Now let us take a break and travel to a distant and far away and forgotten land. The sands of time have been kind to the land of Chaldea, Babylon, Sumeria of old. Luckily the Sumerians were avid writers, I wonder if they got paid in CLAYcoins, that’s an inside joke. They wrote about everything and everyone, sort of like the modern IRS. They inscribed millions upon millions of clay tablets outlining everyday life, from monetary transactions (again like the IRS) to royal dramas and poetry, solar charts, astronomy, religion and politics.

One particular stele produced by the ancient Sumerians, portrays a depiction of the planet Saturn with rings around it7). You need a very powerful telescope to discover that. As well, another clay tablet depicts the solar system with all ten planets including Pluto, which was only discovered by “modern” and logically technologically advanced man, in February of 1930 A.D. by distinguished modern man Clyde W. Tombaugh, an assistant working on the Lowell Observatory in Flagstaff Arizona.

Another piece of mystery is the claimed discovery of ancient batteries, found all over the place in ancient Sumer. One such object consists of a clay pod, about the size of a man’s fist, containing a metallic core with a copper surround and space formed by the clay pot cavity where electrolytic fluid could be stored. It is a battery pure and simple8). But what did the ancient Sumerians need batteries for, it isn’t like they had need for remote controls of ancient stone televisions. But batteries they were, and ancient they are as well, challenging once more our weak and puerile understanding of earth’s real ancient history. I hope I have been able to whet your appetite, assuming you’re not asleep yet and all considering, this ancient history stuff is really amazing in my opinion. Unfortunately we learn from history that man learns nothing from history, so why bother. Well it’s important to understand and comprehend the truth, as the truth will set you free9)!

Until next time folks, I will promise you an even more preposterous article! The possibility that ancient man was actually better looking, more polished, lived longer, ate better, slept better and wrote better, no pun intended on myself here, but the ancients were quite the word smiths! In my defense, everyone spoke the same language and so it must have been easier to be poetic and prolific hen inking a short article. Regardless, I know I’ve left some of you scratching their sofas, that’s part of the reason I added so many links, so you won’t think I’m writing fiction here. One more thing before I let you go, in the next article I will actually start postulating some theories on all this mumbo jumbo the ancient peasants had batteries nonsense!


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