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A marine is catching a ride home with the Army after a long deployment to the middle east.

He, along with two rangers, are given spots on a C-130 leaving from Kuwait. After some hours, with the plane is half way to Germany, the marine leans down and takes off his boots. After a big stretch he stands up and says,

“Hey I'm going to get some coffee. You guys want any?”

They both acknowledge the offer and accept. After the marine leaves they get to talking.

“Hey, what do you get when you breed a marine and a gorilla?”

“What?”

“A retarded gorilla. Hahaha”

After the laugh one looks at the other and says, “That's strange isn't it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, a marine doing something nice like that. It just seems… out of their element?”

“Yeah Man! I'm glad you said something. On this last deployment I walked away from my humvee to take a shit. When I got back I found the nearby marines were had left and they took most of our MREs.”

“What the fuck man. Seriously who does that?”

“Fuckin' marines do man.”

“You know what fucking bites dude?”

“What's that.”

“This last deployment I got a letter from my girl. She fucking left me for this marine who just got back stateside.”

“Fuck man.”

“Yeah, it doesn't end there though. Her mom wrote me a letter. I guess a week after she sent me that letter she caught the dude banging some other chick in her bed.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“You fucking said it. Marines are god damn animals man. No decency.”

“You know what. Fuck this guy. They think that they can get away with that shit and then smile nice and everything's nice because he gets you some fucking coffee. Fuck that.”

“Yeah fuck him. You know what I've got something for that.”

With that the first ranger begins clearing his nose. Months, years of desert grime and gun powder have been lining his sinuses. As the gunk collects at the back of his throats he reaches for one of the marines boots. He spits the biggest, blackest, nastiest loogie in to his boot and sets it back down with a chuckling.

“Hah, that fucking asshole. That's not enough though. Watch this.”

The ranger unbuckles himself, gets up and takes off his pants. He squats overtop the marines other boot and begins shitting out months of constipated MRE disgustingness.

Both of the rangers are laughing it up and having a great time. Shortly after the marine returns with three coffees. He hands one to each of them and sits down.

Both rangers are struggling to keep themselves from laughing. They're waiting, anxiously, for the marine to put his boots back on. All three sit there, sipping away at their coffees when the marine speaks up.

“You know guys, this is really nice. When we're out in the field or back home sometimes it feels like we're fighting with each other but it's good to know that you can rest easy with each other and remember we're all on the same team from time to time.”

Everyone continues to sip their cofee. The marine continues.

“Sometimes stealing each others equipment and banging each other's girlfriends can really take a toll on a man, regardless of the training. It's time that we started to put these petty squabbles behind us and move on, let's look at the bigger picture. We can't spend all of our down time spitting and shitting in each other's boots or pissing in each other's coffee.”

Jokes


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